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Who: Miyume and Mirai.
Where: Around the city.
When: Saturday April 22nd, 6pm onwards.
What: Things.

Mirai had contrived to be the first at their usual spot. He sat in one of the benches, regally and in the middle, legs-crossed, holding onto his mobile phone. On it was a picture of Miyume as she had been in the park, looking up at him with the most coy smile. He flicked to the next photograph with a quick thumb and nearly drew himself back to delete it.

As far as he was concerned, it was only a bit of fun. They weren't going to last. He had an understanding, and was sure she did too, that it was safer to be alone. Was it she wished him peace, or had realised that a little kindness would help? He did not want her asking him for his feelings. He worried he did not love her enough or in the right way to deserve consideration. Was he convincing himself he had found the right person? If he was with the right person, his hands wouldn't be stiff with fright nor his face thoughtful.

There was no sign of Miyume and certainly a few girls had paid him attention as they had left their dorm. One had stayed to keep him company and complained about a "gaijin". Here he had listened and pretended to care, because far be it from one such as he to turn away their company.

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It was a very welcome invite. Mirai leaned towards her and rested his cold hands over her sleeves. Her arms and hands were warm, and everything about her was very enjoyable. She sat by him unworried and unconcerned, while he circled and drew her in as he came fairly close.

He stared curiously around. The flowers filled the air with the smell of spring - which he wiped off his nose a moment. Then he wrapped around with his arms and pinned hers in, pressing them to her chest.

"This is very typical," he said. "I feel like a normal guy."

Miyume smiled, quite happy to be caught. She leaned back more fully into the embrace. After a moment, she opened her eyes.

"I think I know the feeling," she murmured, idly watching the water. "I feel normal, too. Is that a bad thing?"

It didn't seem to be a bad thing to her at all, an oasis of reality in a world that had become far too surreal in a short period of time.

Edited 2013-09-12 12:15 (UTC)

Mirai leaned in closer, running his right hand up and down her arm and patting it smoothly. A sense of something being wrong was at the back of his mind, and he didn't know if it would change his relationship with her. He looked around at everything he could think of - the river, the tree, the hedgerows - and didn't ask.

To her question, he said soothingly, "It isn't, if you are bothered in the first place. But if you're not going to get the approval for it, why try?"

"Self-approval holds value, doesn't it?"

His touch was comforting and very reassuring. She felt safe and warm in a way she couldn't begin to understand, much less explain. Why did she always feel so comfortable with him? It didn't make sense but she was, weirdness and all.

She could understand where he was going with the talk about approval and how it related to her. She acted in a way she thought people would approve of or love. For a moment, she wondered what would happen if she let the curtain fall and stopped acting? Was there a real Hazama Miyume left anymore? If there was, Miyume had lost sight of her long ago.

Both hands came downward. They rested across her stomach, where his fingers patted from time to time and the tenseness seemed to go out his body as they stayed together. He had to admit he was feeling good, but all the same he had to admit it was possibly nonsense when he realised he felt totally unconcerned; about what society felt was normal and how it believed he carried on with the girls at his club.

That one was true.

"... Probably," he said. "What do you ask for?"

"From society or from you?"

It was spoken in a gentle, quiet tone that was little more more than a murmur. She was curious, though, and she felt that anything she could learn about his thoughts and views on things would increase the chance of this relationship surviving through the obstacles that lay ahead. The form didn't matter so much as long as he stayed by her side.

Edited 2013-09-12 18:36 (UTC)

Mirai raised his left hand a little higher. "... Both," he said.

Since it was a simple question, he sat looking expectant of a clear answer and not too concerned. Although he was not the sort to provide such in turn. If anything, it made him lie harder. Here his eyes turned back to her and he leaned around slightly to look at her face.

As simple as the question was, Miyume didn't have a simple answer. Things had happened so quickly that she'd just been going with the natural flow of things as they were so long as it felt good or the right thing to do. The future was a subject she tried not to consider too deeply, preferring to focus on yesterday, now, and tomorrow. For better or worse, Miyume had never been one to map out her future, much less in anything that could be considered substantial detail.

She was perfectly aware of Mirai's wandering hand and completely compliant. The more they did this kind of thing, the more Miyume liked it. It was fun, felt nice, and always brought a smile to her face. She could forget the world and not despise herself or the life she was forced to lead. That absence of loathing, bitterness, and spite were pleasing alternatives to dealing with her own personal emotional hailstorm day after day without reprieve or rest.

Her contemplative silence ended when she turned to look at him. She smiled but there was something almost hollow about it.

"From society, I just want to be left alone in live in peace without any moral obligations to take part. I'd like to live my life separate from society and be happy. That's all. I don't have any real dreams, ambitions, or goals other than that. I don't see why I should deserve less respect than those who do."

Then Miyume craned her neck a bit more to look at him more fully. This time when she smiled there was more emotion behind it.

"As for you... Love, loyalty, respect, trust, honesty, and pleasure. I know some of these are a bit beyond you right now." Her expression softened. "And I'm fine with that. I'm happy to just be with you in whatever capacity you're able to give."

She hesitated wondering whether she should say it or not, whether it would help ease his anxiety or simply add more pressure to troubles he was already trying to deal with. Miyume's heart was a funny thing even to those with less painful pasts and fewer emotional wounds. But something deep inside her compelled her to speak further and just observe what happened.

"I see the person you could be and I would love them very much. But I see the person you are now and love him, too, simply as he is right now."

Quietly, Mirai hung his head a little and listened to each word as it came. They made sense. While he was remembering that she was ill - unaware how - he was rather understanding of people being nosy. Though their experiences were different, it was clear being without chains was important to both of them.

When he tried to cast his off, he swore their restraint became even more unpleasant. He gave a small wriggle - everything his father said was all coming back to mind. His chains became even tighter, if that was possible. He worked out a crick in his shoulder and circled his neck.

"I suppose I should be thankful," he said.

Mirroring his father's language made him even more uncomfortable. He wished he had not grown up with it. And he doubted if he would ever get rid. By now he had already reached an understanding that to be free there were other people he had to hurt - and by now he was waiting on every chance. He stroked Miyume up and down her arm.

The fact was, everything had been a game for some time. And so such qualities were gone and he had no time to go looking for more. The traits Miyume wanted in him - all but one he had heard already and he thought maybe she had realised that. He gave a smile and laughed at this pleasant chat she was having with him. But all the same he wished he just didn't have to have these feelings.

His response was about what she'd been expecting and for a moment, Miyume looked very sad. However, the sorrow wasn't for herself. Contrary to what Taue seemed to believe, she hadn't gone into this with any illusions or unrealistic expectations. She'd always known in her heart what kind of boy Mirai was and held that knowledge close as an anchor throughout all of this.

Dreamer that she was, Miyume's vision of her reality was sharper and clearer than most. Her ability to discern the truth that lay hidden deep within people's hearts was both her blessing and her curse. It would continue to be so until the day she died. No matter what she felt for others or what they felt for her, her ultimate fate would be solitude until she found someone who could see and understand the world as she did.

But what she had with Mirai was pleasant and comfortable, too. Miyume never would have let him catch her if she hadn't believed she would be happy with things as they were.

"It doesn't mean we can't enjoy it while it lasts, Mirai," she said finally, snuggling back against him content. "And focus on having good times instead of the potential bad. Tomorrow hasn't happened yet."

Edited 2013-09-12 23:01 (UTC)

Since her advice was solid and he saw no fault with it, Mirai pulled his head up and smiled. He seemed quite nice and unassuming - he would have even if it was an argument they were having. And somehow he had found it within him to do just that.

"Certainly," he said. "Because I shouldn't look forward to having a life of my own, right?" His tone had become light, even mocking. "What are you doing telling me that I should sacrifice the rest of my life? You're a defeatist, Miyume. But never mind. I shall think of something."

"I didn't tell you that you should do anything," Miyume said with uncharacteristic sharpness though she didn't move from where she was sitting. "I merely listed a possibility. You're smart enough to think of other ones without my help."

Her expression was equally severe, as much she could pull one off with a face like hers.

"Besides you don't need my permission to do what you want. If you want to leave and enjoy your life alone, then just go and do it already. I won't stand in your way."

For a while, Mirai kept silent and nothing seemed to happen. Then he stood up with a frown. He had heard those words before this year. He had been told he was smart, but treated the opposite. He knew he would be fine without her. He tried not to look angry and covered it well with an indifferent gaze. She was living in a daydream if she thought he would apologise.

His look was becoming angrier when his lips pressed together with angry disfavour. He was annoyed with himself for not realising the familiarity sooner.

He did not seem to find it endearing.

"Miyume, just what are you doing talking to me like that?" he said coldly. "Do you think I haven't heard those things before? No? Well I have. This is boring."

Miyume suppressed a sigh of frustration. For all her talent at reading and understanding people, she wasn't a mind reader. It seemed that he either wanted everything or nothing at all, whether it was from her, someone else, or the world at large.

She couldn't do this right now. Whatever this was. It was just too much to cope with on top of everything else she was dealing with these days. Her feelings for him, strong as they were, would have to be put on hold.

"I think it'd be better if we stopped dating for a while, Mirai," Miyume said in a gentle, calm voice as she gazed out at the water. "We're in a complicated situation right now and both of us are under a lot of pressure. I think it would be best for both us if we took a break from this for a while. Before either of us can say or do something we both regret."

The words flowed strangely from her lips, Miyume noticed, as if she were living in a dream. None of this felt quite real. Not Mirai, not her, not this relationship if it could even be called that. Her life had become utterly insane since coming to Chitoku. She was sick all the time. And it was all starting to crash in on her with a vengeance.

Edited 2013-09-13 01:47 (UTC)

Mirai seemed shocked by this. He stared quietly past her at the still river. He looked at the few green leaves floating on the water and barely gave any sort of reaction. He moved his eyes to her body and let them linger, with one hand reaching out from his side. He did not understand what had brought things here or why he was feeling this way. His expression stirred and he began touching her to learn why - and to feel like he could start binding her to him now they were drifting apart.

His fingers started under her ear and trailed down her jaw. There was a brief period of tenderness so kind that it had made other people weak at the knees. He traced down her neck - at the front, which he knew was tender. He expected a reaction and waited. He could try squeezing one out of her, if things stayed quiet. It would be a pleasure.

"... Sure." He took a step back and gave them both space, seeming compassionate while hungry at the same time. "I told you that you didn't have to ask me anything, right? I'm not going to force you, just ask you to make the right decision after listening to everything I've said. Take all the time you need."

How often had this scene replayed for Mirai? How many times with how many different girls? Miyume had wanted to give him something different, something positive, but all she'd done was enable him further. Maybe Mirai had been right all along about her not having the knowledge or understanding yet to teach him what he needed to know. She was only a fifteen year old girl after all whose only real experience with love and commitment had been a close friendship with another girl. She was too old and too far away to stay with Ayana and too young and inexperienced to stay with Mirai. And Miyume didn't trust herself to stay on any kind of life path without a firm, guiding hand from someone else anymore than the general public did.

Mirai's touch managed to distract her somewhat from her internal loop of anxiety and depression but didn't draw her out of it completely. Being touched where her senses weren't completely dulled always felt more pleasant than it probably should. She closed her eyes and leaned into, just focusing on her breathing to calm herself down enough to simply enjoy it. It had been such a good day, awkwardness at lunch aside, up until Taue had blundered into her personal life and set her off.

"I feel better now," she said in a small voice. "I'm sorry for being so difficult. I really should have just stayed home tonight instead of going out upset."

Miyume hugged herself, head bowed and hair falling forward to hide her face. She just sat there, her slumped posture conveying just how lost and miserable she really was living alone at Chitoku under strenuous circumstances.

"And thank you, Mirai," she added after a slight pause. "I appreciate it."

"Don't worry," said Mirai. "I'm a very forgiving man."

Excellently put, he thought. But the problem was that he was also a deceitful man, who stirred at accusations of 'liar' and 'philanderer' and thought up ideas and schemes to present himself as a kind forgiving person. This probably explained the way he was feeling around her too - there was no game involved. And so the problem he faced was a puzzle of getting to know her better, and also himself.

And that made him confused, fretful and scared. He tried to calm it by showing his usual self-control.

"... Hmmmm. The problem now is where do you want to go from here?" He came next to her and rested a gentle hand on her crown. He didn't move it, just showed his strange affection. "Do you want to go home? I can take you back."

Edited 2013-09-13 18:36 (UTC)

Miyume was grateful when he left it at that. She felt so weak, like at any moment she might collapse and never open her eyes again. She'd have a hard time keeping him from going too far too fast in her current state. This situation was difficult enough without confusing Mirai anymore than he already was. The break was as much for him as for herself. It'd break her heart if she left him even more damaged than he already was.

"I think it would be best if we called it a night," she said, sounding like a strange mixture of relieved and utterly drained. "Give things a rest for a while and talk it out when we're both ready."

Edited 2013-09-13 19:08 (UTC)

If Miyume had looked over her shoulders she would have seen Mirai with a thoughtful, impatient face. He sure felt spare. Yet he did not feel too much anger. He did not want her seeing how upset he felt. He would prefer to ruminate on the way that she had let him go like some sort of child who needed kindness.

His touch on her head was lifting away, and he threw up both his arms permissively. But for him it was defiant.

"Oh sure, we can talk. All girls want to talk, right?" he said, but he said it too bitterly. He wasn't too sure he would talk at all, but he had a lot to say now. The thought she was like the others was a ringing alarm in his ears...

"I'm not all girls," she said patiently, this time turning to look Mirai directly in the eyes. That fey aura was back as she gazed at him with calm wisdom that hinted at the woman she would one day become.

"I would rather listen and understand."

Mirai peered through the aura to see such a wise woman looking at him. But her words made no difference to his thinking, for he had heard them before.

"Let's just go," he said defeatedly. "I told you not to worry about me, right? I'm good at working through things."

And again, with the answers that did not surprise. If he couldn't understand something as basic as simple human compassion, Miyume didn't see much hope for them.

It was a sad situation and she could only guess at what Mirai had gone through to leave him in such a state of emotional disrepair. But lots of sad things happened to people, including Miyume herself. She didn't have enough tears to shed for him to be convinced she cared. Miyume couldn't even cry for herself, much less anyone else.

"Fine," was all she said, awkwardly rising from the ground.

When Miyume got home, the only things she intended to do was brush her teeth and go straight to bed.

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