harmonize_rpg | (no subject)

Who: Miyume and Mirai.
Where: Around the city.
When: Saturday April 22nd, 6pm onwards.
What: Things.

Mirai had contrived to be the first at their usual spot. He sat in one of the benches, regally and in the middle, legs-crossed, holding onto his mobile phone. On it was a picture of Miyume as she had been in the park, looking up at him with the most coy smile. He flicked to the next photograph with a quick thumb and nearly drew himself back to delete it.

As far as he was concerned, it was only a bit of fun. They weren't going to last. He had an understanding, and was sure she did too, that it was safer to be alone. Was it she wished him peace, or had realised that a little kindness would help? He did not want her asking him for his feelings. He worried he did not love her enough or in the right way to deserve consideration. Was he convincing himself he had found the right person? If he was with the right person, his hands wouldn't be stiff with fright nor his face thoughtful.

There was no sign of Miyume and certainly a few girls had paid him attention as they had left their dorm. One had stayed to keep him company and complained about a "gaijin". Here he had listened and pretended to care, because far be it from one such as he to turn away their company.

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Miyume suppressed a sigh of frustration. For all her talent at reading and understanding people, she wasn't a mind reader. It seemed that he either wanted everything or nothing at all, whether it was from her, someone else, or the world at large.

She couldn't do this right now. Whatever this was. It was just too much to cope with on top of everything else she was dealing with these days. Her feelings for him, strong as they were, would have to be put on hold.

"I think it'd be better if we stopped dating for a while, Mirai," Miyume said in a gentle, calm voice as she gazed out at the water. "We're in a complicated situation right now and both of us are under a lot of pressure. I think it would be best for both us if we took a break from this for a while. Before either of us can say or do something we both regret."

The words flowed strangely from her lips, Miyume noticed, as if she were living in a dream. None of this felt quite real. Not Mirai, not her, not this relationship if it could even be called that. Her life had become utterly insane since coming to Chitoku. She was sick all the time. And it was all starting to crash in on her with a vengeance.

Edited 2013-09-13 01:47 (UTC)

Mirai seemed shocked by this. He stared quietly past her at the still river. He looked at the few green leaves floating on the water and barely gave any sort of reaction. He moved his eyes to her body and let them linger, with one hand reaching out from his side. He did not understand what had brought things here or why he was feeling this way. His expression stirred and he began touching her to learn why - and to feel like he could start binding her to him now they were drifting apart.

His fingers started under her ear and trailed down her jaw. There was a brief period of tenderness so kind that it had made other people weak at the knees. He traced down her neck - at the front, which he knew was tender. He expected a reaction and waited. He could try squeezing one out of her, if things stayed quiet. It would be a pleasure.

"... Sure." He took a step back and gave them both space, seeming compassionate while hungry at the same time. "I told you that you didn't have to ask me anything, right? I'm not going to force you, just ask you to make the right decision after listening to everything I've said. Take all the time you need."

How often had this scene replayed for Mirai? How many times with how many different girls? Miyume had wanted to give him something different, something positive, but all she'd done was enable him further. Maybe Mirai had been right all along about her not having the knowledge or understanding yet to teach him what he needed to know. She was only a fifteen year old girl after all whose only real experience with love and commitment had been a close friendship with another girl. She was too old and too far away to stay with Ayana and too young and inexperienced to stay with Mirai. And Miyume didn't trust herself to stay on any kind of life path without a firm, guiding hand from someone else anymore than the general public did.

Mirai's touch managed to distract her somewhat from her internal loop of anxiety and depression but didn't draw her out of it completely. Being touched where her senses weren't completely dulled always felt more pleasant than it probably should. She closed her eyes and leaned into, just focusing on her breathing to calm herself down enough to simply enjoy it. It had been such a good day, awkwardness at lunch aside, up until Taue had blundered into her personal life and set her off.

"I feel better now," she said in a small voice. "I'm sorry for being so difficult. I really should have just stayed home tonight instead of going out upset."

Miyume hugged herself, head bowed and hair falling forward to hide her face. She just sat there, her slumped posture conveying just how lost and miserable she really was living alone at Chitoku under strenuous circumstances.

"And thank you, Mirai," she added after a slight pause. "I appreciate it."

"Don't worry," said Mirai. "I'm a very forgiving man."

Excellently put, he thought. But the problem was that he was also a deceitful man, who stirred at accusations of 'liar' and 'philanderer' and thought up ideas and schemes to present himself as a kind forgiving person. This probably explained the way he was feeling around her too - there was no game involved. And so the problem he faced was a puzzle of getting to know her better, and also himself.

And that made him confused, fretful and scared. He tried to calm it by showing his usual self-control.

"... Hmmmm. The problem now is where do you want to go from here?" He came next to her and rested a gentle hand on her crown. He didn't move it, just showed his strange affection. "Do you want to go home? I can take you back."

Edited 2013-09-13 18:36 (UTC)

Miyume was grateful when he left it at that. She felt so weak, like at any moment she might collapse and never open her eyes again. She'd have a hard time keeping him from going too far too fast in her current state. This situation was difficult enough without confusing Mirai anymore than he already was. The break was as much for him as for herself. It'd break her heart if she left him even more damaged than he already was.

"I think it would be best if we called it a night," she said, sounding like a strange mixture of relieved and utterly drained. "Give things a rest for a while and talk it out when we're both ready."

Edited 2013-09-13 19:08 (UTC)

If Miyume had looked over her shoulders she would have seen Mirai with a thoughtful, impatient face. He sure felt spare. Yet he did not feel too much anger. He did not want her seeing how upset he felt. He would prefer to ruminate on the way that she had let him go like some sort of child who needed kindness.

His touch on her head was lifting away, and he threw up both his arms permissively. But for him it was defiant.

"Oh sure, we can talk. All girls want to talk, right?" he said, but he said it too bitterly. He wasn't too sure he would talk at all, but he had a lot to say now. The thought she was like the others was a ringing alarm in his ears...

"I'm not all girls," she said patiently, this time turning to look Mirai directly in the eyes. That fey aura was back as she gazed at him with calm wisdom that hinted at the woman she would one day become.

"I would rather listen and understand."

Mirai peered through the aura to see such a wise woman looking at him. But her words made no difference to his thinking, for he had heard them before.

"Let's just go," he said defeatedly. "I told you not to worry about me, right? I'm good at working through things."

And again, with the answers that did not surprise. If he couldn't understand something as basic as simple human compassion, Miyume didn't see much hope for them.

It was a sad situation and she could only guess at what Mirai had gone through to leave him in such a state of emotional disrepair. But lots of sad things happened to people, including Miyume herself. She didn't have enough tears to shed for him to be convinced she cared. Miyume couldn't even cry for herself, much less anyone else.

"Fine," was all she said, awkwardly rising from the ground.

When Miyume got home, the only things she intended to do was brush her teeth and go straight to bed.

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