harmonize_rpg | (no subject)

Unbeknownst to her, her club meeting had been cancelled. She hadn't gone anywhere near the room to learn that, however. She'd gotten caught in the rush of students eager to make the most of their weekend. Eventually, she moved off to the side of the hallway and let it clear out before she continued on her trek to Haruka's room.

Even after taking the elevator at the dorms, Miyume arrived about ten minutes late. She took a minute to catch her breath outside Haruka's door before knocking.

Within ten seconds of the knock, the door opened to show Haruka changed out of her blouse uniform. She smiled, as though she knew exactly who was there, and greeted the other person with a simple,

"Hey."

"Hey," Miyume greeted warmly. Her smile was evident in her voice. "Sorry I'm late. I got hung up in traffic," she added in a joking tone.

"Treacherous thing." Haruka commented in a grave tone, but she was still smiling. She moved to the side for her and said, "Glad you made it though. Feel free to dump things somewhere."

The space by the entrance was fairly clear, along with most of the paths in the room. There was some messiness here or there (mostly on surfaces than anywhere inconvenient to step on or bump into) but things looked like they were where they should be, for the most part. Haruka walked over to the kettle and asked,

"Do you want tea?"

Miyume didn't have much with her, just some leftover assignments to finish before she left for Tokyo and they were sitting in the basket attached to her walker. Haruka would notice her kouhai's gait had changed significantly since she'd last been in a position to hear it. Miyume's shuffle was slower and noisier now. Rather than a single tap, there was a sound like two canes hitting the floor in sync.

Once Miyume reached a chair, she sat down immediately, carefully to make sure her walker didn't block Haruka's path.

"Tea would be wonderful."

Thanks to Chloe, Miyume had begun to associate tea with comfort and freedom from worry.

Edited 2013-11-17 08:48 (UTC)

Haruka's head shifted attentively at the change in Hazama's step. She lingered a bit more when the distinct sound of Hazama's cane was different.

She poured the tea into a mug with a mascot-dog with wings and another with a mascot-cat with identical wings. She walked over to the chair Hazama was in and held out the cups.

"Ultimate choice: kitty or dog? Also, black tea's okay?"

"Black tea's fine. I think I'll go with the dog."

Miyume took the mug with the dog on it and sipped from it.

"Wise choice," Haruka replied with a nod and a smile. She drank from her own cup, walked back a bit, and (with a testing hand) sat down on the nearby chair.

The sound she'd heard earlier settled in her mind before she said,

"Looking forward to golden week?"

"Yeah. Very much," Miyume replied. She tried to keep her tone light but there was a noticeable edge to it. The girl took another drink from her cup to calm herself.

"It'll be good to get away from here for a while."

Too bad it's not permanent, she thought to herself then felt a flash of guilt.

Haruka, Chloe, and Saiga-senpai had been very good to her. It'd be mean to tell them point-blank that she wanted to go home after they'd tried to help her. Besides, the adults involved in the project would never let her leave. She knew too much.

Edited 2013-11-17 10:14 (UTC)

Haruka tilted her head slightly.

"Huh."

She let the word hang in the air, and took a sip of her tea. She continued, "Yeah. Sounds like you deserve the break."

She took another sip, before asking, looking more serious, despite the open question,

"How are you holding up?"

It was odd how Miyume never had the impulse to lie to Haruka as she did with so many others. The older girl was comfortable and pleasant to be around, unlike the majority of people in Miyume' s life.

"Badly," she admitted, gazing into her tea mug as if it held some sort of answers to how she should live her life. "I feel so stupid. I know he's bad for me but I still miss him. I guess that alone paints a picture of how I'm doing."

Life was so much easier when she simply behaved as she should instead of reaching for what she actually wanted. She should have left it at that masquerade and didn't try to find any sort of deeper meaning to her continued existence.

"I guess I'm homesick, too. I miss my family and friend back home. I want to see them again but there are things I need to tell them but can't. They'd ask too many questions about what brought it on."

She could never tell anyone the truth about why her health had deteriorated so quickly over the past month. And because she couldn't be truthful, her doctor back home would miss out of crucial information that could help with a treatment plan. And of course, there was the damage her silence on such an important part of her life would do to her relationships with people on the outside.

Haruka waited until she was sure Hazama was done speaking, before saying, voice full with commiseration.

"Very shitty." She regarded Hazama attentively, and reached a hand over for Hazama. Her hand hovered in the air, uncertain either from guessing Hazama's location or over the action itself, before settling, firm and comforting. "But you're not stupid."

The physical contact was, indeed, comforting but the darkness that had seized her heart wouldn't relinquish its grip. Miyume gave a brittle smile Haruka couldn't see but might be able to sense. The younger girl's shoulders were stiff and she hunched slightly in her chair.

"I wish I could believe you," was all she said with an underlying tone of bitterness. "All I've done is behave like a fool since my mother left me here."

Sneaking up to the roof with Kasubata, falling for an unrepentant playboy, breaking school rules, rejecting advice from a senpai who may have been able to help her adjust, concealing the full extent of her illness from potential friends... Miyume's quest for independence had been nothing but a sequence of bad decisions one after another.

At least, Miyume had gotten through to Sakakibara before she fell into Mirai's clutches. It was the only thing she'd done right.

"Not a fool," Haruka said with that same sureness she had with her previous statement. "At least, it's pretty impossible to be only a foolish fool who does foolish things.

"Even if it feels like the bad's all there is."She lightly squeezed. "Pretty sure you can think of at least one good thing?"

Edited 2013-11-23 06:48 (UTC)

Miyume seemed to crumple a little in her chair underneath that touch. She stared miserably into her cup for a long moment, trying to blink back tears before they fell.

"It depends on what one considers to be good."

She sighed.

"I turned on my boyfriend after I promised him I wouldn't interfere if he dated other girls. I betrayed someone I care about very deeply to help a girl I barely even know. And even then, it's not like my motives were purely for her benefit. I wanted him to suffer just as he'd left me to do."

The longer Miyume spoke, the more sorrowful she sounded. Saiga-senpai had treated her kindly but deep down in her heart, she knew she didn't deserve it. It'd be so easy to cast the blame on Mirai for her own treacherous nature but it wasn't his fault.

Edited 2013-11-23 08:47 (UTC)

As Haruka listened, she remembered the conversation she'd had with Mirai back at Chagall. He'd told her that she could tell her friends that he wasn't so bad a guy.

Interesting timing.

She focused on Hazama though, her fingers lightly laced on on her hand. "Doesn't sound like you want to lock him up in a cage or intend to chop off his head and go off on a boat with it at least so I'd say he got off lucky."

Beat.

"Brutal payback doesn't seem like it's what makes you happy here though."

"It's not. And I don't. I just wish he'd talked to me about her first, you know? He texted me that morning, told me loved me, complained about not wanting to visit Kyoto for Golden Week...."

She trailed off, shaking her head a bit uncertainly.

"I thought he meant it. I know he just says things to be saying them but it felt real. It felt like he was telling the truth."

She sighed again.

"I went to his archery practice after he told me and saw him with Sakakibara-san. Everyone was talking about me, saying I was easy and would let him do whatever he wanted. People call me 'Doormat-chan' there. He didn't do a thing to assist me. 'I love you' feels so empty after all of that."

She drank from her tea mug to ground herself.

"Yeah. It would be." She nodded. "Pretty cat-like of him but doesn't make it less sucky."

Haruka seemed to think on something for a moment, or maybe it was reminiscence.

"And if you're giving him something he wants, you should be getting something you actually want?"

"Maybe I'm just used to being unhappy and dissatisfied so I settle for what I can get instead of pushing for more."

A single tear slid down Miyume's cheek. She sniffled. The hands that held her cup began to shake slightly.

"I guess I'm a doormat like they say, after all."

Haruka put her cup down, and gently took Hazama's other wrist.

"Wasn't exactly Doormat-chan-like to go call Yachiyo a bitch? Or to go take a 'break' from senpai for a bit. Or go enact your own form of payback.

"Blue fish, remember? You just keep swimming, until you can get out to what you want."

Haruka-senpai's so kind, Miyume thought sadly. If only I'd met her instead of Ayana back then...

But she hadn't. Ayana had been the one to rescue her and take her under her wing. Maybe Miyume would have been different now had she had more sunshine than storm clouds growing up. Would she be as weak and feeble as she was now? Miyume didn't think so. Nor would her grip on hope be so fragile or fleeting.

More tears fell from her eyes and her nose was starting to run. She debated being open, being honest with her about the shadows in her heart and mind that had twisted her into something no longer quite human. But how could she explain something that had no rational explanation? Anything positive Miyume could say just rang false to her own ears now.

So Miyume stayed silent and simply let Haruka hold her wrist. It was nice to form a connection of her own free will for a change. It wouldn't last either but at least, she'd learned one thing from the brief time she'd dated Mirai and that was so enjoy life when and where she could.

Haruka let the silence sit. She let Hazama let out what she needed to, even as she felt a splash of something wet hit her hand.

Eventually, her thumb lightly, comfortingly, ran circles around Hazama's hand and wrist. As though to say 'It's okay'.

The physical contact was, indeed, comforting. Slowly, Miyume began to relax. The tears slowed to a gradual halt and she simply sat there with her eyes closed, basking in the reassurance. All the emotional needs she'd repressing for so long to protect herself from further disappointment and hurt were beginning to resurface.

New tears were flowing, or perhaps they were old ones, too, that she'd locked away for so long. Lines between the past and the present, Tokyo and Kobe, the beginning and the end, had become so blurred that she didn't even know where to begin organizing and sharing. Technically, they were her own feelings but they had belonged to someone else, to another Hazama Miyume that she'd long since stopped recognizing as herself.

After another long patch of silence, Miyume finally spoke.

"Senpai, would you hold me for a while?" she asked softly.

Haruka's head turned slightly. She held herself still for a moment, but after a pregnant pause she nodded.

"Okay."

Keeping one hand on Hazama's wrist, she moved her chair over until they were close. Then, slowly, her hands ghosted over Hazama before eventually wrapping around the other girl, and then she gently pulled Hazama towards her until she felt her body against hers.

It was a light, restful comforting hold that allowed Hazama the space to pull away if and when she wanted to.

Miyume's posture had gone somewhat limp, her eyes open but unseeing like a doll's. Then the moment passed and she closed her eyes, nestling into the embrace. The chairs made it a bit awkward; Miyume knew from past experience that this kind of thing worked out much better on a bed. Even so, she was content to just be held like this and rest.

Edited 2013-11-24 20:54 (UTC)

Feeling Hazama relax somewhat, Haruka did too. The angle was a bit awkward, so Haruka moved a little, though it brought them closer.

She continued to hold onto Hazama the entire while, gently stroking her back and hair - 'It's alright...'

There's safety and warmth here, Miyume thought distantly, taking advantage of the closeness to snuggle a bit more against her senpai. The hand stroking her back and her hair felt nice. She'd always liked being petted.

She could almost forget the world like this.

They remained like that for a long time...

Until, suddenly, Haruka's laptop let out a 'baPING' sound. Haruka's head perked up instinctively at the sound, though she was too far away from her interface reader to know the message flashing on the chat window from someone named 'Phones-Chan'.

'Heeey. U got lines recorded 4 Ariel yet? :3 Still need time to mix it ya kno ><'

Miyume withdrew slightly at the sound from Haruka's laptop, glancing toward it instinctively. She recognized a chat window but didn't read what it said out of respect for Haruka's privacy. She managed a slightly embarrassed but content smile.

"It looks like you have a message, senpai," she murmured then pulled back the rest of way.

Haruka let go, backing away a little to give Hazama space. There was a brief chill as the sudden warmth left, but Haruka stood and went over to her laptop, fingers instantly touching the interface reader. She tilted her head a little when she read the name, then made a quiet 'ah' when she read the rest of the message.

"Just a friend asking about the lines for the fan dub," she replied. After a beat, she asked, "Still want to do it or put it off?"